My ill ass reviews hospital food; lingerie lattes at The Dirty Chai; one chef's Thanksgiving sandwich inspiration; Jorge's to close + more food & drink news
This week’s newsletter is a little abbreviated with the holiday in mind, and because I spent much of the past week sidelined with Norovirus. That might be downplaying it: I actually spent four nights inside Memorial Hospital because my electrolytes (specifically sodium) were so low that I was in “critical” shape according to the admitting doctor. Good times!
Selfie-portrait: When you’re so sick they’re taking it from both veins. Metal!
I remain in slow recovery as I write this, and have pieced together perhaps an unusual Side Dish this week — laced with references to my illness — but it’s complete with the usual sections you expect, plus a guest contribution for an assist. I hope you enjoy it much as you would my full-strength work. Let’s kick it off with my mini review of in-room hospital food …
Dine & Dash: Sodexho at Memorial Hospital
Calling it institutional fare is being kind. The “quality of life services” tagline makes me think I’m about to dine at a funeral home, yet here I am trying not to die. It’s gallows humor to me.
Look, I’m not here because I want to eat hospital food; I’m here because the people at this place are saving my life and along the way I need some calories. I’m not unfamiliar with Sodexho’s mojo, as I believe they were the food service provider when I was a student at Colorado College for part of my four-year journey (in the years before Bon Appétit Catering came in). They don’t have to be amazing, they have a captive audience — very literally.
The options are at-least wide and I’m told my daily stay comes with all three meals as part of my bill (take THAT insurance company). So may as well try to eat up, the moment the doctors encourage me to begin grazing — it had been almost four days since my last bite of anything solid. I make oatmeal taste like something by mixing peach Greek yogurt in (not bad) one morning. On another I find the breakfast sandwich with egg, sausage and cheddar on its way to being airport food (movin’ on up!) but man the coffee is just lean dreck, like someone re-filtered bad diner coffee.
Vegetarian green chile with extra chicken broth, coffee and a chocolate chip cookie. Photos by Matthew Schniper.
I skip all the mains that intuitively feel too rich for my beat-up belly — do we really need to know how the meatloaf is? — and order chicken broth with every meal, which is understandably bland for the patients whose diet requires it. Side salt and pepper packets to the rescue (sort of). Vegetarian green chile’s goopy (corn starch methinks) and predictably meh but the commercial tortilla to dip in gives me something toothsome. It’s strange how the simplicity of a baked sweet potato could yield something so hollow and shell-of-itself — I think cheap sourcing, commodity product, not the organic goodies I buy at Natural Grocers obviously (full of flavor).
Dare I dessert as a treat for my overall mental and physical fragility? I nibble on some pastries and sweets to dip a toe, and decide not to take bigger bites. My body doesn’t need the sugar, and there’s no soothing balm here, just more relative cardboardness and commercial textures and flavors. I’m more amused by the acrid scent and indescribably perfume-y and bitter taste I get in my mouth every time the nurses flush my IV line with saline — some interesting olfactory response I imagine. Hey, did I mention I’m just glad to be alive?
Brew-bies, lingerie lattes and foxy foam
Burlesque performer and barista Kandy Harlot, serving at The Dirty Chai. Photo by Matthew Schniper.
Forgive me now, readers, but I handle trauma with humor, so I decide to go through with my prior content-programming plan to visit The Dirty Chai this week, and I squeeze it in between UCHealth lab draws nearby. Located in the former Babes Espresso spot, Dirty Chai remains the drive-thru coffee equivalent of a breastaurant. I feel like the world needs a fitting portmanteau for this market sector, so allow me to make some suggestions:
1) Va-java stop
2) Coffe-eavage cafe
3) (Butt)crack-uccino shop
4) Spot for cold broobs
5) And perhaps the most offensive: House of Lat-titties (to be pronounced lah-tit-tays)
Okay, now that you’re desperately searching for that “unsubscribe” button, let me assure you I will return to my non-perverted mind-state soon, I’ve just got a lot of zippy energy coursing through my body between the continued electrolyte imbalance and caffeine from my dirty chai latte drink that I order. It exudes a burnt marshmallow and toasted graham cracker vibe, not so much on the gingery side of chai and perhaps more toward a s’mores flavor. Pretty damn sweet. Made with some Kirkland (Costco)-procured beans, I’m told, I’d rate it proficient and enjoyably good. Plus, the drink sleeve has lovingly (or was that flirtatiously?) been signed ❤️Kandy. (Beat THAT, Starbucks!)
So, when you need an N/A nipple … I mean, um, tipple … sorry! … The Dirty Chai has you covered. Er, um — uncovered. Fuck, whatever. I’m done now. Promise.
Stock the holidays with Ranch Foods Direct
Open until 6pm November 27 for last-minute Thanksgiving shopping.
Catch Me If You Cran
I can’t take credit for that clever sandwich name in the subheadline above. It comes via Chef Kalen Janifer, formerly of Chiba Bar, who’s now gleaning baking knowledge at Nightingale Bread. He and I have been in regular contact recently and discussing some potential guest columns (due to his side passion for writing), and he sent me some copy about a recent sandwich he created, named the Catch Me If You Cran.
Janifer runs Nightingale’s hoagie program alongside Chef Hap Williams, another young talent in town (who I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with over a beer at Goat Patch Brewing nearby). Janifer says the two are constantly engaged “in an ongoing dialogue that centers around the next thing we want to put in our mouths… as two insatiable career culinary enthusiasts, I don’t think we’d have it any other way.”
Chefs Kalen Janifer (left) and Hap Williams at Nightingale Bread.
That dialogue and exploration, along with their respective past experiences and personal palate preferences inform their work. “Seasonality is the driving force of our innovation,” he writes. “We have the privilege of working with incredible local and regional produce year round. The beautiful products that we are able to source from farmers and artisans inspire many of our pastry and bread bakes, as well as our hoagie menu offerings.”
So, for a deep-dive on the inspiration behind the Catch Me If You Cran — available through year’s end — I’m going to quote directly from Janifer’s writing (only lightly copy-editing it), and turn the microphone over to him, as it were:
I'm a sucker for the year-end holidays. As soon as the first autumn leaf falls, I’m ready to carve into a pumpkin and harvest the seeds to roast! I’m mapping out my plan of attack for my Thanksgiving feast. I’m salivating over the thought of egg nog and my Gram’s legendary “World’s Best Cookies.” Those holiday cravings are NO JOKE! The only way to beat the cravings is to indulge.
Hap and I were at work a few weeks ago and we got to talking about the holidays. Our conversation got me craving a hearty turkey sammie. At the time, our menu featured a classic cold turkey sandwich, but when you’re the one with the apron on, you can call the shots. Most of the year I’m not eating turkey unless it’s on a sandwich, even before the bakery. One of the most beautiful things about eating in accordance with seasonality is how it creates seasonal cravings, recurring cravings stimulated by our memories, our nostalgia. There’s a limited window of opportunity to enjoy the delicious flavors of a season before cranberries are off the shelves and it's back to year-round staples.
So, cranberries. I love them! When they are in season I’m looking for things to put them in. One of my absolute favorite ways to eat them is by my mother’s jalapeño cranberry relish. Every year for the holidays my mom makes this killer relish and I can't get enough of it. I always ask her to make a big batch for the sake of bountiful leftovers. It’s always better the next day as the flavors get a bit deeper and the ginger really comes out. There’s just something about Thanksgiving leftovers that just hit a little different, a little harder.
Image courtesy Kalen Janifer.
All those rich, bold fall flavors come together and complement each other perfectly. That's why that plate of leftovers that you take home is so coveted. There’s something in the gravy, the mash, the green bean casserole that you just can’t help but crave. Maybe it's love, maybe it’s the transience of it all.
If you’re anything like me, whatever it is, you can’t get enough of it. Those blissful few days post-Thanksgiving that you’re repurposing leftovers into turkey shepherd’s pie, turkey noodle soup or a sandwich are so cherished! It’s exactly those hodge-podge leftover sandwiches and my mom’s jalapeño cranberry relish that inspired my latest Nightingale creation, the Catch Me If You Cran.
It’s a toasted hoagie sandwich with smoked turkey, shredded gruyere, pancetta crumbles, rosemary-ginger sweet potato puree, red onions, celery, arugula and my mother’s very own jalapeño cranberry relish. For me this hoagie is a taste of home. A taste of my family's holiday table. I am so grateful to be able to share something so intimate and true to my culinary style, in the form of something as humble as a sandwich, with my community. The creative platform afforded to Chef Hap and me allows us to collaborate, innovate and share what is greatly treasured by both of us. The “Cran,” as it’s come to be known, has been really well received and is one of our top-selling hoagies at the bakery. Thank you to all who have come out to try it and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. It will be around through the year's end, so catch it while you cran!
Bites & Bits
• Longstanding Jorge’s Mexican Restaurant in Old Colorado City appears to be shuttering at the end of the week. A Side Dish subscriber tipped me off and took these photos on his cell phone. Unable to make it by in person earlier this week, I attempted to call for information but was unable to reach anyone at the restaurant.
Images taken by a Side Dish subscriber.
• Red’s Sunset Grill, whose impending arrival I noted this past February, has opened in the former Beasts & Brews location at 7 Spectrum Loop, off North Gate Boulevard. I’ll aim to get by soon for more.
• Ówàḿbẹ̀ African Restaurant & Lounge has opened in the former Spice Island Grill location at 10 N. Sierra Madre St. Again, I’ll aim to get by soon for more info.
Photos by Matthew Schniper.
• Melting Pot’s Aged Cheddar & Gouda Fondue is now for sale in a retail bag for $14.99 across Safeway locations in Colorado.
• At the COP29 summit in Azerbaijan last week, Singaporean delegates served a pilsner beer from a brewery named Brewerkz which was made with recycled toilet water, reported the New York Times.
• Bristol Brewing Company: Happy Thanksgiving! We just want to say we’re grateful for you. Thanks for your support over the last 30 years. The Bristol Pub is open regular hours on Black Friday and Thanksgiving weekend.
• Red Gravy: We’ll be closed through Nov. 28 for Thanksgiving. As a fun field trip, we’ve taken some of our staff to St. Louis to visit Chef Eric’s old stomping ground. Meanwhile, various upgrades are happening at the restaurant while we’re dark. Come see us after we reopen, at dinner service on Nov. 29.
• Edelweiss: Weihnachtsstollen (Christmas Stollen) and Christmas cookies are available through year’s end. Stop in for a warm house Glühwein (German mulled wine). Make reservations early for December dates; we host lots of Christmas parties.
• Odyssey Gastropub:Come enjoy selections from our fall/winter cocktail menu.
Odyssey's music-inspired cocktail menu. Left to right: The Cranberries, The Donkey's and the POTUS. Images courtesy Odyssey.
• Rasta Pasta: Happy hour daily from 3-5 p.m. with $3 Red Stripes, $4 rum punch and $5 munchies. Our Dippin’ Bread is locally famous.
• Blue Star Group: Forget Black Friday madness and head to Ivywild School or Stellina to enjoy time with your family and friends instead. Buy a gift card to any of the five Blue Star Group restaurants — Decent Pizza Co., Ivywild Kitchen, Gold Star Bakery, Principal's Office, or Stellina — and the recipient can choose where they want to use it. Online gift cards also available if you're clicking away on Cyber Monday!
• The French Kitchen: Plan ahead with one of our TFK gift cards this holiday season. Don’t miss November’s Pistachio Queenet and our Maple Pumpkin Cheesecake Mousse special and our array of holiday yule logs, including cookie dough, peppermint, triple chocolate and salted butter caramel.
• bird tree cafe: Serving breakfast all day. Come in for a cold brew or matcha latte or a boozy beverage and enjoy plates like our popular Rick & Morty with fried mortadella, egg, pimento cheese and beer onions on a potato roll.
When you can’t make it to your own event because you’re super sick, 1) make light of it and 2) have your friends document it. Cheers to the good humor of Side Dish Dozen member Doug Hammond of Kangaroo Coffee for changing our “Sip with Schnip” banner to “An Evening With(out) Schnip.” Yes, attendees were initially confused as to where I was, and I don’t blame them. Rest assured, people, I don’t play hooky without really really really good reason. So, see you at the next one — which, big teaser, will be at Bunzy’s & Booze on Dec. 12 with cohost Ascent Beverage, who’ll represent their many craft beverage makers via special cocktails at a big discount. Details to come.
Victoria wasn’t buying it. Photo by Lauren Hug.
Photos by Ryan Hannigan, with exception to the bottom middle photo by Victoria Amato.
Hope you're feeling chipper Shniper! Take it easy recouping from such a nasty virus. Hopefuloly you'll be back in great form soon.
Glad you're doing better. Norovirus is awful 😥